The G$ Rules

Editor's Note: Rules 1-8 appeared in earlier, e-mail editions of TG$SFR, which will be uploaded to the Archives in the very near future.  We believe, however, that given TG$SFR readership's close familiarity with current events, that most of Rules 1-8 will be self-explanatory.  

1.  Do Not Text Photos of Mr. Happy to Anyone But Your Wife or Your Urologist (The "Brett Favre Rule")

2.  Even If You Are Confused, Try Not to Look Confused (The "Wade Phillips Rule")

3. If You Borrow $750,000 From an Agent, Pay It The F+@k Back (The "Reggie Bush Rule")

4.  If You Are On A Family Reconciliation Vacation With Your Ex-Wife and Young Daughters, Do Not Invite a Porn Star to Stay With You in the Room Right Across the Hall From Them (The "Charlie Sheen Rule")

5. Do NOT -- Under Any Circumstances -- Become Involved With A 17-Year Old Dancer Whose Nickname Is "Ruby Heart-Stealer" (The "Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi Rule")

6. No Matter How F-ed Up Politics in The US May Be, We Still Have Not Reached the Point Where "Former Neo-Fascists Are Now Considered Moderate" (The "Gianfranco Fini" Rule)

7. Nazis, Whether Current or Ex-, Are Bad.  Neither You Nor Your Government Should Ever Be Found Helping Them (The "Nazis Are Bad" Rule)

8. "Tell Me Again, Why Exactly Is It That You're Texting Your Teammate's Wife?" (The "Tony Parker/Erin Barry Rule")

9.  If You Are With Charlie Sheen, You Are Probably In Trouble Long Before You Feel His Hands Around Your Neck ["Allegedly"] (The "Charlie Sheen Rule II")


10.  If Your Nickname Is "Trouble," You Probably Are In Trouble.  (The "James ("Trouble") Hardy Rule").