Volume 1, Issue 6 (Special King James Version)

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. From The Editor's Desk

2. LeBron's Return 

3. FIFA's Folly: The Party's Over

4. Auburn and Oregon: On The Brink

5. Cam Newton's NCAA Pass: 
    Explain That One Again, Please?


6. Big Time Big Games: Pittsburgh-Baltimore 
    and New England-New York Jets

7. The Beatdown of The Year:

    Cortland Finnegan Finally Gets His


8. A Not-So-Classic "El Clasico":
    FC Barcelona 5, Real Madrid 0

9.  Coaching Matters -- Because ("Coaching Matters")

10.  The Bear Minimum: 
       Chicago's Jay Cutler Problem


11.  RIP, Quintin Dailey

12.  "The Association"

13.  He Who Laughs Last: 
      The Derek Anderson MNF Controversy

14.  Bring Back The Dirty Bird?
      The Rise of Matty Ice and The Falcons

WE INTERRUPT OUR REGULAR EDITION FOR BREAKING NEWS:

Clown Elected to Congress in Brazil;  
Only Allowed To Take Seat After Barely Passing 
Literacy Test

"Vote For Grumpy The Clown, Because It Can't Get Any Worse"

Dateline: Sao Paulo (BBC News) December 1, 2010:


A Brazilian clown who was elected to the federal House of Deputies in October has had the last laugh, after a court ruled he did meet the literacy requirement for public office.  Tiririca ("Grumpy") The Clown (nee' Francisco Oliveira Silva) won more votes than any other candidate for Congress. 


His victory was challenged after newspapers reported that he could not read or write.

But he has now passed a basic literacy test, a judge in Sao Paulo said.  


Tiririca showed "a minimum of intellect concerning the content of a text despite difficulties in writing," Judge Alosisio Sergio Rezende Silveira said.


"The electoral court considers someone to be ineligible only if they are totally illiterate," he said in an official statement.


Tiririca can now take up his seat as a federal deputy for Sao Paulo.


The 45-year old television clown won more than 1.3 million votes after campaigning with slogan such as: "Vote Tiririca, Because It Can't Get Any Worse!"


In This Holiday Season, TG$SFR Finds Itself Thankful For Many Things About The United States of America, Including Freedom Of The Press and Sunday Night "Football In America."  But Above All, TG$SFR Is Most Grateful To Be Living In A Country Where It Is INCONCEIVABLE That A Semi-Literate Clown Could Be Elected to High Public Office...

1.  FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK


Greetings, my Sporting Life Brethren.   Welcome to the first multi-media, interactive version of TG$SFR.   We hope you like the many new features we have added to celebrate our upgrade, including "The Weekly Rankings" and TG$SFR Hall of Shame.   Links to these and other sections, including reader favorite "Ask G$," can be found on a sidebar to the left of the page.   We encourage full reader participation.  Suggestions for topics, reader takes on the Rankings, and nominations for the Hall of Shame can either be submitted as your own posts or directly to the editor at thatsmyboygmoney@gmail.com.   As of this edition, each of you is free to post your own take on any relevant topic in the "Post Comment" box at the end of the commentary.   


Happy Holidays from Santa G$!

2.  THE CHOSEN ONE'S RETURN

"Every Time I Move I Lose...When I Let Them In...
Every Time I Turn Around....
Back In Love Again"?

Even the normally restrained Kenny ("The Jet") Smith said it: "I've never seen an atmosphere like this for an NBA regular season game.   This is more like a Game 7 of The NBA Finals."   Quicken Loans Arena was the Ultimate Hater's Paradise.   Never has so much hostility been directed at one athlete by so many.   Bron- Bron seemed nervous, in warm-ups, a tight and seemingly forced smile playing on his lips (who wouldn't be tight?).   But give Your Boy kudos.   After much speculation, he still went through with his "Chalk In The Air" ritual, enraging the Cleveland faithful even further.   Once the whistle blew, King James got off --- 38 points, 5 rebounds, 8 assists without even playing the 4th quarter.     Not only did he get off, but he did so while being right on the borderline of taunting his former teammates on the Cleveland bench.   As several commentators asked on the morning after, "Didn't the Cavs have even one hard foul in them?"   But The Chosen One's back never touched the floor, and his J's never touched anything but net.


Score After Round One: Bron-Bron 10, Haters 0




3. FIFA'S FOLLY: THE PARTY'S OVER  


England Had High Hopes for 2018....

Becks and Wills

But Even HRH Chill Will Could Not Hide His Disappointment When Russia Was Selected.

"I Know We Just Lost The Bid, But Seriously --- 
What Up With Beckham's Hair?"

Meanwhile, Dollar Bill Chaired The U.S.'s
2022 Bid With His Trademark Enthusiasm....

"Ah'm Jes' Tickled Ta' Death To Be Here Supportin' Team USA...
Now How'd Y'all Know I'd Want the White Jersey 
Instead of the Blue One?'

Dollar Bill Was Characteristically Eloquent In His Presentation to the FIFA Executive Committee....







But Whatever He Had Said to FIFA President Sepp Blatter at the U.S.-Algeria Game at This Summer's World Cup Clearly Failed To Carry The Day...

"Yo, Sepp -- You Got The Hookup in Cape Town?"

Further coverage of the FIFA debacle is provided by London correspondent Laurence Rabinowitz in the "World Football (Soccer) Update" Section.


G$ is all for spreading the World Cup around --- after all, it is the Global Game --- but c'mon, now --- two Cups in a row in basically the Middle of Nowhere?   And you thought the NFL was "The No Fun League"...




4.  OREGON AND AUBURN: ON THE BRINK


Danger time for #1 Oregon and #2 Auburn (AP Rankings), each of whom face just one more hurdle to make it to the BCS Championship Game.   Auburn faces the most difficult test, coming up against The O'BC's  upset-primed  South Carolina Gamecocks.   Give The O'BC enough time to prepare, and he's a danger to anyone --- not to mention he's angry because he sees Iron Mike Shanahan at his former Redskins job and Urban ("How Do I Look Now That Tebow's Gone?") Meyer messing up his Gator Legacy.   Bet Auburn boosters can't help but thinking that league championship games at the end of the season aren't such a good thing when you've made it through a 12-game campaign undefeated.  


Oregon can't sleep, either.   The Civil War matchup with Oregon State is always a thriller, and OSU has one of the most potent weapons on the planet in tailback Jacquizz Rogers.   


If one of these teams loses, things get interesting.  If both lose, the BCS will be in total chaos.   Funnier things have happened.    

The O'BC

Jacquizz Rodgers, OSU Dangerman

5.  CAM NEWTON: DADDY DAYCARE? 

The Sins of The Father?

Let's see, the NCAA rules that Auburn's Cam Newton is eligible to play because, although it has proof that his father participated with an agent in a scheme to try and sell Cam's services to Mississippi State, it has no proof that The Golden Child knew anything about his father's scheme.   Huh?   G$ does not even have the time to try and parse that one out.    All G$ knows is that somebody is getting away with something.  


That being said, G$ cannot stand a whiner.   Especially from The University of Spoiled Children:

Pat Haden, Babysitter to TMWKFU
(aka "USC Athletic Director")

Haden told the Los Angeles Times:  "In the Reggie Bush case, when the parent (did) something inappropriate the did and the school suffered...I was always told the parent is the child.  That's what we've been telling our kids.  If the parent does something inappropriate the child suffers the consequences.   ...Our kids, are 18, 19, 20 years old.  Are they really responsible for their parents' behavior?"


-- We don't know, Pat.   First, TG$SFR would like the answer to a simpler question: like are they ("your kids") really responsible for passing Algebra 1?




6.  BIG TIME BIG GAMES: 
     STEELERS-RAVENS AND JETS-PATRIOTS


December football should be about divisional rivals who can't stand each other playing in the cold with everything on the line.   You're gonna get what you wished for this weekend. 

"Mr. Rourke"

Ray-Ray

7.  THE OLD SCHOOL BEATDOWN OF THE YEAR


Cortland Finnegan is the original PAB.   His beatdown by Andre Johnson was classic.   And true to form, he stayed a punk to the bitter end, obnoxiously clapping his hands and winking at the cameras even after getting his azz thoroughly beat in Manny Pacquiao style.   In case you didn't see enough of these clips last week, please enjoy:







And That Calls For TG$SFR 
Old School Jam of The Week....









8.  A NOT-SO-CLASSIC "EL CLASICO"


The Hype Was Deserved for the Biggest Matchup of The Year Featuring the Biggest Football (Soccer) Stars In The World...







Messi's Artistry Would Prove Unmatchable as He Led FC Barcelona to a Shocking 5-0 Triumph 
Over Hated Rival Real Madrid....

























But As Always, Bad Boy Cristiano Ronaldo 
Stole At Least Part of the Show For Himself:









9.  ONCE WERE GIANTS (II):
     THE SAD DEMISE OF THE BIG EAST

Good move for TCU.   Maybe they'll finally get a shot at the BCS National Championship.   Bad move for the Big East --- originally formed in 1979 for East Coast basketball powers, and so dominant in its first few years it literally came to be known as "The Big Beast."   Patrick Ewing.   Big John Thompson.  Dwayne "The Pearl" Washington.   Alonzo Mourning.   Allen Iverson.   Chris Mullin.  Ron Artest.  The Villanova  Wildcats.   Those were the days.   How The Mighty Have Fallen.   




10.  COACHING MATTERS 

      (BECAUSE "COACHING MATTERS")

Leslie Frazier

Jason Garrett

Just in case we had forgotten, the NFL's two "Interim Coaches" proved that who wears the headset makes a difference by rallying their storied franchises, the Dallas Wowboys and the Minnesota Vikings, to high points in their otherwise woeful campaigns.   Garrett won his first two in a row out of the gate, and barely lost the third, and Frazier one his first outing after replacing the despised Brad "Chilly" Childress [was there ever anyone less chilly than "Chilly?]  despite the loss of All World RB Adrian Peterson.   Remember when The Zenmaster took over for the overmatched Del Harris and won the Lakers' first championship of the Shaq-Kobe era with the very same personnel Harris had failed so miserably with?  Coaching Matters.




11.  THE BEAR MINIMUM: 
       CHICAGO'S JAY CUTLER PROBLEM

So the Bears improve to 8-3, and look to make a run past the first round of the playoffs.   But it sez here --- right here in TG$SFR --- that the chances of a quarterback whose demeanor and body language alternate between Spoiled Child and Entitled Frat Boy leading his team to a Super Bowl Championship are between Slim and None, and Slim just walked out the door.  Bad Attitude.  Bad Judgment in the 4th Quarter.  Bad Footwork.   Bad End to The Story.


Jay Cutler Wanted A Trade to Chicago So He Could Lead The Bears to The Super Bowl.....

But TG$SFR's Rush Street Correspondents Report That Cutler Spends Entirely Too Much 
Time Thinking About How To Get Himself
In Situations Like This......

And Not Hardly Enough Thinking About How to Get 
Himself In Situations Like This:

10.  RIP, QUINTIN DAILEY

Quintin Dailey entered the University of San Francisco in 1979 as part of one of the most heralded recruiting classes ever, with sidekicks Winford ("Sleepy") Boynes of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and James ("Trouble") Hardy [G$ Rule #10]  of Long Beach, California.   Dailey, one of the best pure scorers of all time, had a troubled stay with the Dandy Dons, admitting to the sexual assault of a nursing student and being widely perceived as frontman for a program that was deemed to be so out of control that the university president administered the first "death penalty" to a college sports program in modern memory.   At 49, he was too young to die (of coronary hypertensive disease).   RIP, Q. 


Quintin Dailey, Gifted But Troubled Player, Dies at 49




11.  HE WHO LAUGHS LAST?

Arizona Cardinals QB Derek Anderson Enjoys a 4th Quarter Laugh
As His Team Gets Crushed 27-6 By the Hapless 49ers

Thanks to its network of secret hidden microphones, TG$SFR, in a worldwide exclusive, can disclose here for the first time what Anderson's teammate said to him that precipitated this unpardonable breach of football etiquitte: "Don't worry, it could be worse.   You could be Matt Leinart."




12.  "THE ASSOCIATION"


The Lakers lose four in a row, but the Zenmaster is not pressed.  Bron-Bron provides the season's first Must-See TV.   TG$FR will be sticking to Association highlights only for the time being, as it is not felt that further coverage is warranted by league events to date.   Stay tuned. 

13.  BRING BACK THE DIRTY BIRD: 
      THE RISE OF MATTY ICE 
       AND THE ATLANTA FALCONS


Atlanta is looking good, with the NFC's best record at 9-2.   Looking especially good at home, where resurgent QB Matt Ryan ("Matty Ice") is 18-1 and just led a critical last-second victory against strong playoff contender Green Bay.   And who doesn't like a QB with a nickname like "Matty Ice"?    G$ was thinking of changing his name to "Matty Ice," but decided that just plan ol' G$ was good enough for now. 

Matty Ice

14.  READER COMMENT OF THE WEEK

Dear Mr. G$,

Mostly excellent coverage in this issue. Special kudos to Mr. Buscher for sending along Norman Chad's great piece on SC partners in crime Pete Carroll and Lane Kiffin. I know this really dates me, but I consider Smiling Pete to be the Sargent Schultz of college football. He hears nothing... he sees nothing. Lane appears to be cut from the same moral cloth as Pete, only less likable and less talented. Read the article in the WaPo last week and was tempted to send it to you myself... thanks for doing so, John.

As for the ESPN Ocho level game that Trojans - 'Domers has become, I also historically have had a tough time pulling for either squad. Typically I simply root against the team that has the most to lose - so I guess I've been siding with Touchdown Jesus lately. Do agree though that the college season is more interesting when this game means something.

Turning to the King and the relocation of his talents to South Beach, the situation with the Association could become dire indeed unless something resembling chemistry develops on this squad. They can probably grind out 50 or so wins on talent alone, feasting on the numerous bad teams in the league. But I've watched them about 5 times so far this season and it hasn't been pretty. Bron and D-Wade seem to just be taking turns hoisting up shots rather than trying to make anyone better. Bosh looks mostly lost now that he's at best Option C. Bigger teams like Boston and Orlando have muscled them all over the floor. And as for the bench, let's just say that if Mr. G$ could squeeze any more time out of his obviously demanding schedule, he might get 12 minutes a night with this bunch. There's still time for them to get on course, but if things don't change pretty soon, the X-mas day game against Mamba and his Laker boys could be a humiliating beatdown.

I must take issue, however, with your shockingly thin coverage of Raiders - Steelers. Your decision to focus solely on the antics of serial sucker-puncher Richard Seymour with nary a mention of the thrashing the Men of Steel administered to the Silver and Black surely violates Al Davis' "Commitment to Excellence" in sports journalism.

Looking forward to Issue 6,

Jim in DC

PS - enjoyed the little dig at the Future Leaders of America down in Durham, NC.